Wake Me Up When September Ends

Don’t lie, you sang that title line.  No doubt trying your best Green Day impersonation.  Well boys and girls, September has ended.  I don’t know about you guys, but I was sure as hell glad to see both August and September in the rear view these past few days.

October is a great month in my estimation.  Not just because it’s my birth month.  It’s actually a lot of people’s birth month, in fact.  Two of my best friends were born on October 1st and 24th.  And there is my Kibby, whose birthday is coming up soon on the 7th (happy birthday from Pa Bear!).  There are others, spanning the 2nd to the 31st and everything in between.  You know what this means?  That a lot of people are Libras and Scorpios. and a lot more people were having sex on Valentines Day than we initially thought.

And of course, the important things about October.  It’s the beginning of the Fall season.  So here in North Carolina, that means the end of Hurricane Season.  I’m sure we’re all glad that shit is over.  So much for “It’s just a Cat 1” right?  There are still smashed trees, flooded roads, and other assorted damage.  Fall also means cooler temps after those 100 degree days.  So it will drop to 85 maybe.  Then there will be those sneaky days where it starts out at 50, then by noon it will be 85, and then sub-Arctic temps at night.  Hooray pneumonia.

The foliage is pretty nice, as the leaves turn lovely shades of red and orange.  And speaking of orange, it’s every kid’s favorite holiday in October.  Halloween.  A time when you dress up in a costume and beg candy from complete strangers.  Of course, in recent years Halloween has received a bad rep because of a few assholes who want to poison or abduct kids for their own nefarious purposes.  Not to be outdone, parents have simply kept a closer eye on their kids by having Trunk or Treat gatherings at local churches to keep everyone safe.  Still, there’s nothing like the look on a kid’s face when he bites into a caramel covered onion.

October is also the official beginning of Pumpkin Spice Season.  And I do mean season, because that stuff is everywhere.  Pumpkin Spice Coffee, cereal, muffins, beer, chicken, salad, underwear, floor wax, house paint, lipstick, dog shampoo, perfume…the list goes on and on.  Dudes, chill with that shit.  I don’t want my entire town to smell like a pumpkin patch. And for some people, Pumpkin Spice Season is all year long, or it starts a little early…like February.

I do actually like the Halloween movies returning to the airwaves during October.  From Halloween with Michael Myers to Nightmare on Elm Street and Friday the 13th, those movies are a great time.  Sitting and watch these family friendly classics, along with some others like the Shining or Children of the Corn, is what Halloween is about as an older man.  Handing out candy is fun too.  I am usually guilty of handing out too much candy at the time.  Some years we attract the bare minimum of trick or treaters, only the truly brave who have their parents in tow.  So we devised a clever formula.  Instead of buying the “Grab Bag Mix” or the giant bag of Dum Dum lollipops for $3, we buy candy that we like.  Resse’s Cups, Hershey bars, and other assorted chocolates line our candy bowl, so that if no one comes, we feast.  No one on the earth feasts on three dollar suckers and those awful peanut butter toffee treats wrapped in orange and black.  They won’t even send those to starving kids in Ethiopia because of anti-cruelty laws.

This October is a little different for me.  As mentioned before, I am still recovering from surgery and a blood clot in my lung.  I have made great strides in re-becoming more of my former self.  But I’m not there yet.  I still have a bandage over a gaping wound that is mere inches from my nether regions.  That wound does still soak through the bandage on occasion, leaving stains of blood in my underpants and my shorts as well.  This bloody bandage does have to be changed five times a week, allowing me the creature comfort of showering so I don’t smell like feet and rotten carrots.  I can walk around a grocery store without passing out now, and I use the bathroom with more regularity than before.  Because there’s nothing more annoying than feeling the urge to use the bathroom, lumber to the toilet, sweat and strain for thirty minutes, and…one tiny microscopic piece of feces falls out.  At least you think it does.  You can’t see it, but you did hear what sounded like a raindrop in the toilet water.  Maybe it was just one of your tears, falling because you know you will never get that thirty minutes back.  And people see you driving around and going to stores and seeing your doctors (multiple), and they assume that you’re all better now.  It’s like the guy that finally gets his GED after twenty years, and then people are telling him he should go to college.  Pump the brakes a little.  Damn, He just got his GED at 40, so obviously high school was kicking his ass.  Same for me.  Recovery is progressing, but don’t sign me up for the Boston Marathon just yet.  Or ever, for that matter.

So enjoy everything that October has to offer.  Horror movies.  Zit-faced kids with no costume begging for multiple pieces of candy.  Slightly cooler temperatures, but maybe dead Pterydactosquitos remaining from the hurricane.  Halloween decorations and hoping your house isn’t the TP or Egg house.  Free candy and raking up leaves from your neighbor’s house that blew into your yard.  And of course, my birthday.  If you’re wondering, my size is Brand New F150.  Now I have to kick back on the porch, relax, as I sip my Pumpkin Spice Latte.

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